Emma Hayes on role models, life as US boss and balancing football & family

The Football Interview is an exciting new series featuring the foremost figures in athletics and entertainment engaging with host Kelly Somers for candid, in-depth discussions regarding the nation’s beloved sport.

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Emma Hayes’ coaching journey has returned to its roots – in the USA.

And she swiftly secured some acclaim – guiding the national squad to a gold medal at the Paris Olympics just three months after taking the helm.

London native Hayes, 49, previously propelled Chelsea to become a leading powerhouse in the Women’s Super League – concluding her 12-year stint by steering the club to a fifth consecutive league title and her seventh overall.

Her forthcoming aspiration is to lead the US – currently ranked second globally behind Spain – to World Cup glory in Brazil in 2027.

She had a conversation with Kelly Somers about her upbringing, her experience in international football, and managing the dynamics between football and family life.

Kelly Somers: Your career has been remarkable, but what does football signify for you?

Emma Hayes: It holds varied meanings at different phases. As I grow older, I contemplate the essence of joy within it, particularly when it’s your career. You must constantly confront the realities of striving to achieve results weekly. Embrace it. That’s the reason for your love for it, the reason you played growing up, it’s the reason you coach. Joy is the essence for me.

I truly enjoy it. I hold vibrant memories of the Olympic gold medal final last summer. I recall surveying the Parc des Princes and pondering, ‘can it truly get any better than this?’ I’ve exerted immense effort to attain these positions, and the last thing I’ll do is become anxious about it. Just smile and be grateful.

Kelly: What is your earliest football memory?

Emma: My fondest memories involve playing football in the flats. Not solely the friendships forged but the nature of the games as well. I believe there were no bibs, no goals, and honestly, there wasn’t much conflict. It might have been like 20 on a side. I used to ponder, ‘how did we determine our teams?’

Kelly: Can you recall the first team you represented?

Emma: It was Mary Ward in Camden. I remember my dad taking a few girls from school. We formed a small school team, and he discovered this little club in Camden that was gaining a reputation for girls’ teams, so he brought a group of us there, and we merged with this club, Mary Ward. Then we began participating in the finest competition ever, the Met Police five-a-sides. I wish they still conducted them because if you made the finals, it was held at Wembley Arena.

I can recall playing at Wembley Arena around the same time as John Terry. I know when he was with Senrab, they had teams reaching the finals. It was phenomenal.

Kelly: How do you think those experiences shaped you and your journey in football?

Emma: I believe I’ve always been about community. It’s been a significant factor in shaping me. My dad was a community coach, which likely contributed, but I think consistently giving back, in whatever form, was central to my childhood. The most valuable elements are friendships.

Kelly: When did you stop playing?

Emma: I played until I was around 17 or 18 years old. I suffered an ankle injury which involved bone-on-bone contact, causing me to lose cartilage. Nowadays, you can manage it a bit better, but 35 years ago, there was little that could be done. I was frustrated that I couldn’t continue. I never envisioned that I would be in this role today. Never.

Kelly: Did you ever believe you would pursue a career in football, or was it always, ‘I will become a coach’?

Emma: I didn’t even consider coaching. I had no role models. There was no professional scene to aspire to. I dreamed of being a male player or stepping out at Wembley like Glenn Hoddle or someone similar. Hence, coaching didn’t even cross my mind; I had no passion for it at all.

Kelly: How did your journey lead you into this remarkable career?

Emma: Several factors played a role. My PE teacher always urged me to undertake leadership training. Even at 16, I aspired to enter a career in diplomacy or something similar, but I think throughout my university years, I inadvertently took on the role of coach. Upon returning to work in Camden for sports development, I began genuinely coaching within the community, and a few of us helped establish the Regents Park League.

Then I relocated to America. More than anything, I longed to move to the States. I didn’t necessarily want to be a coach, but I recognized that it would secure me a visa to live in New York City.

Kelly: Who would you say has most significantly influenced your career?

Emma: My parents certainly had the greatest impact. My dad recognized potential in me that I couldn’t see myself. He was the most supportive feminist I’ve known – as a working-class man. With three daughters, one of us had to deeply engage with football. He motivated me, even at times I resented it. I told Harry the other day while watching him play football… I was standing quietly on the sidelines. He asked, ‘Mummy, why don’t you cheer for me?’ I replied: ‘Because I disliked it when my dad did that to me, so I don’t want to do it to you.’ Although, he really wished I would engage a bit more, and I found myself saying: ‘Alright.’

Kelly: So let me get this straight… one of the foremost coaches globally, attends her son’s football matches, and opts for silence…

Emma: I stand apart and remain muted.

Kelly: Do you comment to him afterward?

Emma: Only about enjoyment. For instance, they played a game recently… they lost 10-2. Internally, I was distressed. Once in the car, I asked: ‘What did you like about today?’ He responded: ‘I enjoyed playing wide.’ I want him to maintain that passion for as long as possible.

Kelly: You mentioned both parents having a profound impact… your mum as well…

Emma: My mum encouraged me to pursue whatever I desired. She merely supported us in doing so. If I mentioned, ‘Mum, I want to work for the UN.’ … ‘Oh, go for it, love, if that’s what you want.’ It was almost as if I was granted approval to explore and try new things. As a mother now, I truly value her in countless ways. She was immensely pivotal in my life then, but her significance has grown even larger since my dad’s passing. At this point in life, I feel a greater need for my mum in a different capacity. That’s why they are my greatest heroes. She assists me immensely, particularly during menopause. If I’m feeling anxious or struggling, she’ll say: ‘Just grab the paper bag, take a breath, and calm your thoughts.’

Kelly: It resonates differently when your mum says it, doesn’t it?

Emma: I never experienced anxiety until entering menopause. What I’ve discovered is that when oestrogen levels drop in your body, especially with sudden menopause, as I experienced – I didn’t transition gradually, it happened abruptly with emergency surgery and the loss of both ovaries… oestrogen acts as not just a lubricant for your joints but also for your brain – what starts happening is your brain calls out, ‘hello, oestrogen, where are you?’ And it can’t locate it. This leads to a decrease in dopamine and serotonin. Thus, your body struggles and encounters significant natural capability constraints, causing heightened anxiety levels. That was exacerbated when I had Harry, and it further escalated after my sudden menopause.

Kelly: As a football coach, why is it so vital for you to discuss these matters?

Emma: I believe as women, we navigate our lives in football through a predominantly male perspective, and we have different experiences, needs, and thoughts regarding the game.

What I cherish most about being in America is the acknowledgement of women’s sports. I feel compelled to advocate for it. I attended a conference recently where they inquired about my early encounters with biases, and these have formed since childhood. From coaching courses where I was the only female to referees approaching me and immediately directing their attention to my male assistant, assuming he was the head coach. If I raised pertinent issues that others didn’t consider aggressive behavior, they frequently underestimated how women might perceive being in those situations. My dad always taught me: ‘Make the world better for others, even if you have to withstand some setbacks.’ I think that can be tough at times. Occasionally I wonder, ‘why do I place myself in these situations?’ Yet, on other occasions, I think, ‘if I can pave a better path for someone else, then why not.’

Kelly: What was your home life like during your upbringing?

Emma: It mirrors how it is today. My sisters and I have always lived quite close to one another. Our time together echoes our childhood experiences. My younger sister Rebecca is my manager. She oversees my schedule, while my older sister serves as Harry’s travel companion and caretaker. That’s the closeness we share. That sounds like a delightful role. I would be absolutely nowhere without their support. I would have been compelled to terminate this job several years ago.

Kelly: I think there is a picture with your mum and Tom Cruise…

Emma: She wasn’t reticent. She was present in the box next door during the gold medal match, and he came in to meet my family. That was a highlight for them, getting a picture with him.

Kelly: Not your victory?!

Emma: They weren’t particularly interested in that! Remember, they’re English, so while they want me to succeed, their greatest nightmare would be for the USA to compete against the Lionesses in a World Cup final. I think my mum would have to wear a split jersey.

Kelly: How did your mum react to your accepting the position?

Emma: She was heartbroken. Absolutely devastated. To start with, she’s a huge Chelsea fan. She continues to attend every game. For them, it felt like a breakup. They were all initially distraught. However, they became genuinely happy for me afterward.

Kelly: How do you unwind from it all?

Emma: I believe I can in this role. I often liken it to being a grandparent. You interact with the players every 6-8 weeks. They come visit, you spoil them, take them to Disneyland, they adore you, and then, ‘see you soon… back to their parents.’

It resembles that setup because you don’t manage them daily. They spend 80-90% of their time at their clubs. Thus, I feel I maintain a healthier balance in my life. I’m much more present as a parent because of it, which is the most vital for me. I felt I was failing in that regard, and it caused me sleepless nights.

Kelly: Share something about Emma Hayes that might surprise me…

Emma: That I’m quite introverted.

Kelly: Is that true?!

Emma: Absolutely. Ask anyone who knows me. I am social because it’s necessary for my occupation. However, socializing in large groups of 10, 12, or even 15 is my worst nightmare. I prefer one-on-one interactions and meaningful connections. I’m not very outgoing.

Kelly: What are your greatest achievements?

Emma: Harry and my role as a mother. That has been my utmost desire ever. It brings immense joy but also considerable anxiety. It’s not merely about the responsibility; my love for him can sometimes freeze me. The thought of going on a trip and leaving him causes significant anxiety before getting on that plane; it can feel insurmountable.

That separation is often perceived as a challenge for him, but I feel it’s just as tough for me. It feels like a part of me is missing. I want him close. He is seven now and a bit more autonomous, which I have to support, yet I find myself thinking, ‘I don’t want you to grow up. I just want you to stay this little.’ Hence, my pride in that aspect surpasses my professional achievements. The coaching is wonderful, but ultimately, it’s just that—a job.

Ben Haines, Ellen White, and Jen Beattie return for another season of the Women’s Football Weekly podcast. New episodes release every Tuesday on BBC Sounds, alongside interviews and additional content from the Women’s Super League and beyond on the Women’s Football Weekly feed